Self-love – it started as a wholesome trend to remedy consumerism’s needling humiliation. Now everywhere and ever-sanctimonious, the concept is basically one big competition.

If it is, Ghia Vitale is definitely winning. The self-described “autosexual” has transcended self-love and reached a disturbing sexual nirvana she terms “self-romance”.

While dating remains illegal pretty much everywhere, should pandemic singledom really be so sexless? Let’s hear from the master romancer herself.

1. Go on dates with yourself

“I often dress up in vintage clothes and go out for drinks with myself,” says Ghia.

How is eating with yourself different to eating by yourself, I ponder?

“Well, there’s usually one outcome at the end of the night.” She gives a racy chuckle. “That’s the best part.”

2. Focus on yourself, but don’t be a loner

“As an autosexual, I need alone time. But I also crave others’ presence.”

Again, don’t we all?

“Yeah, but I have down days too.”

Why does that make you autosexual, though?

“Because when you’re alone and looking in the mirror, you don’t get physically turned on.” Fair enough.

3. Don’t be a narcissist, avoid pools

“I’m not a narcissist because I don’t think I’m better than anybody,” says Ghia.

Yet when Narcissus fell into the pool of his own reflection, wasn’t it to be with himself, rather than to be better than others?

“That’s why you shouldn’t become so obsessed with your own reflection that you fall into a pool.” Sound advice.

4. Visualise yourself as a sex clone

“If there was some way I could make love to myself through virtual reality, I would so do it,” Ghia enthuses. “That’s like the end goal.”

Is that atomising and bleak?

“Well it’s not like that’s all I’d be doing! I need my boyfriends too!”

5. Marry yourself

The final boss of self-romance.

“I’m engaged to myself,” says Ghia. “But I’m waiting for the right moment. I know I’ll ask for a pagan priest to do a handfasting.” Can’t wait for the invite.

Ghia Vitale is Assistant Editor at Quail Bell Magazine.

Ghia Vital

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